Have you ever been out walking and found a pebble in your shoe? My first question is, “How did it get in there?” Obviously there is not a hole in the sole of my shoe. The inside of my shoe is full of my foot.

Once I feel it, I have a few choices. Maybe I think, “it found its way in so it can find its way out.” “It’s so small I’m just going to ignore it.” Or since I have to keep walking, I take the time to remove my shoe, turn it upside down, and let the pebble fall out. Then I replace my shoe and discover the pebble is still in my shoe. So again, I have to remove my shoe. I run my hand inside my sweaty shoe (ick!), find the pebble, and brush it out. Is it really worth all that effort? Perhaps leaving it in there and ignoring it is a better idea.

So the next time this happens I ignore the pebble. It’s pretty small and doesn’t hurt. It’s just a bit annoying. I continue on my walk. At first I walk as briskly as before. No problem. Soon the pebble seems to increase in size. It starts to hurt a little. The annoyance grows. My steps slow down. My goal of walking around the block is less important. My mind starts to focus on the pebble. My attitude changes. What started out as a pleasant walk now is impacted because I’m cranky. If I don’t stop and remove the pebble, my walk will be completely ruined.

The same is true with my emotions. Someone makes a remark. It bothers me a bit but I choose to ignore it. Then my mind replays that remark. The tone of what I heard changes. It is no longer a careless phrase but a snarky comment directed with sarcasm. That simple remark becomes my focus. Ultimately I am ready to explode! Another scenario is a statement I make that might/is misunderstood by the listener. Hurt feelings are growing. Why should I pay attention to that? I know exactly what I meant. Shouldn’t he?

It all comes down to choices. Like the pebble, I can choose to ignore it. The longer I ignore it, the more pronounced it becomes. I have learned that sometimes I need to swallow my pride and my feelings that “he has no reason to be upset about that!” and simply explain what I meant. I also need to speak up and express my feelings about that phrase or comment he made.

I’m learning that being vulnerable is not easy. It takes practice. Keeping a short “hurt feelings” or “misunderstanding” list is important because it makes any relationship stronger.

Beware the pebble in your shoe!