Words.
So many different meanings. People trying to learn the English language must become so frustrated with words that sound the same but are spelled differently. Or how about words that are spelled the same with vastly different meanings?
Words.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” How many times did I hear that from my father when I was growing up. In fact, let me tell you a funny story, although it wasn’t funny at the time. Being the youngest of three, apparently I had been taunting or insulting my brothers quite a bit. So my father told me I had to spend one day complimenting every member of the family. I believe i was nine or ten at the time. We went to church that morning. I thought this might get me out of that command for a time but my father gave me “that look.” (Big sigh) Okay, so as i followed my family around church, I came across my mother who was chatting with a group of her friends. “Here goes,” I thought. I walked up to the ladies and stated, “Gee, mom, your wig looks very pretty today.” Would you believe it? I got in trouble for that compliment, too! 😉
Words.
Another example I remember from childhood is there was quite a bit of negative slang being used by our peers. Some of these words and phrases were forbidden in our home. So my brother and I, being smart and creative children, looked up these words in the dictionary. We learned that one word literally defined was “bundle of sticks.” Therefore, we chased each other around the house calling each other a “bundle of sticks.” We knew what we meant and my mother ignored us and we didn’t get in trouble.
Words.
They can encourage or they can harm. They can explain or they can confuse. They can be influenced by tone and emotions. They can go softly to a heart or they can devastate a spirit. Somehow negative words are remembered far longer than positive words. You can use words to talk down to someone or talk over their heads. We have all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” As I have matured, I realize that I would far rather have broken bones which heal quickly than have hurtful words and phrases slung at me that never heal. When I was younger, my grandfather would take my brothers fishing. I really wanted to go. I kept asking every time we visited. His response was always the same, “Sure, you can come along. I’ll use you as a boat anchor.” I was never given the opportunity to go fishing. My heart cringes today at the unfairness of those words, hearing his laughter ringing in my ears.
Words.
As I am reviewing what I have already written, I feel I must include another story from my teenage years. My family was sitting around the table at dinner when my older brother came home from work. He had picked up his date for the evening on his way home. He introduced her and left to take an shower and get ready. She was sitting on the couch in living room as we finished our meal. My father said, “You came on a Tuesday night.” I said, “True, and it is a full moon.” My mother added, “And we are eating pork chops.” The three of us continued this cryptic conversation, one sentence at a time until we had described how all of these details coming together were warning signs that we would shortly turn into werewolves. By the time my brother was ready, his date was scared to death. We laughed so hard after they left. Personally I thought if he was going to date a dumb girl like that she deserved everything she heard. My brother, on the other hand, used his control of words by not speaking to us for months. He also did not bring any more dates home.
Words.
My definition of a discussion is an exchange of ideas to reach a decision. Other people treat a discussion as a monologue to which they simply listen. Oh, they may be able to “parrot” back to you phrases you have said. They make be quick to agree to the first idea you propose. They also agree to the second idea and so on. I do not find that type of “discussion” profitable. Instead I find it annoying and frustrating. It matters not if you are a scholar or a “simple man.” Everyone has an opinion. A discussion should be a safe time to talk about what you think on any given topic. This is especially important between friends or a married couple. It can be intimidating at times. Memories of words being flung back at you because no one agrees with you may make you feel stupid. So you think, “Why should I try again?” In close relationships there exists, or should exist, a trust and a freedom to simply speak your mind. If one mind is closed, determined to force their opinion on the other, it is no longer a safe place.
Words.
How do you handle words when you feel no matter what you say, it comes out wrong? Do you try to explain in different ways what you mean? Do you walk away to avoid a confrontation? Do memories of other such conversations ending in a huge blowup scare you into shutting your mouth? I can explain my feelings ad nauseum, until even I don’t want to listen to myself anymore. I have walked away. I have gotten in my car and driven away. I take some time and try to second guess myself, my feelings, who’s to blame. If no one is to blame, keeping my opinions in my head seems best. Perhaps I finally get to the point where I need to express how I’m feeling. Sometimes this is effective. Sometimes this turns into a monologue which actually is the last thing I want. I can monologue with my dog if that’s all I want to accomplish. What to do?
Words.
Words can speak love or hate. Words can speak respect or rejection. Words can be silent so you can simply listen. When someone else is speaking, do you listen? or are you formulating what your response will be so you miss the meaning of their words? Do words distract you? I have been in a conversation with my children and have to ask, “What did you say?” because I really wasn’t listening but carrying on my own conversation in my mind. Perhaps I was looking at my phone or the television. Words require listening and listening requires focus. The older I become the more important it is that I focus. My older mind takes longer to process what I hear.
Words.
There are times in life when there simply are no words. When someone has been diagnosed with a potentially terminal disease, what can you say? If a beloved spouse, child, or family member has died, there may not be any words of comfort that aren’t really cliches. At such times, words fail. Silence reigns. Love reigns. Support is best expressed by sitting next to people and letting them scream in anger and frustration. Wipe their tears as they weep in mourning. Or simply sit in silent love and support.
Words.
Listen before you speak. Respect the opinions of others. Contribute to a discussion. Think. Is it more important for you to speak or just be silent?
Words. How will you use them today?