We all have pain in our lives. We all struggle with memories we wish we could forget. We compare our lives to the lives of others and wonder why their lives seem so simple and good and pain-free. Ours are complicated and bad and full of agony. At times the darkness surrounding us is complete. There is no light. There is no hope. It’s empty and full of nothingness.

Now I’m going to make it personal. Today a new thought struck me. Am I focusing so much on the pain in my life, past and present, that I’m ignoring the positive? Not in some “Pollyanna” everything is wonderful-type way. The real world is a ying and yang of good and bad experiences. What am I choosing to focus on? If there is something good in my life, am I honestly choosing to push that aside?

I could sit here and type all the instances of the pain in my life. It would start in early childhood and never end. Details don’t matter. I know you probably could do that, too. And yes, I could list the people I have compared my life to that never seem to have any problems. The black clouds of acid rain never appear in their days. They have not experienced any kind of abuse, or bullying, or health challenges. Their children have grown up succeeding in school and made the “proper” choices for their lives. Perhaps that is all I see in their lives because that is my focus.

Right now, I want to focus on the good things in my life. I have experienced some wonderful interpersonal relationships with people. My grandmother was always there for me. She helped me develop a love for reading and writing, When I felt down, she could always find some anecdote from her life which made me feel better. I remember my favorite. I’m not sure why but I was always clumsy growing up, twisting ankles and spraining wrists. She reminisced about her own childhood when she would seemingly trip over nothing. Her nickname at school was “Tumble turd.” She said, “Now, Beth, nothing can be worse than being called that every day.” It always made me laugh.

My father was my best friend for years. I could tell him anything. He supported my dreams, helped me with school work, took me for rides on his motorcycle (creating in me a love for the open road) and gave me great advice. One of the best pieces of advice he gave me was, “You choose who you want to be. You can choose to close off your heart and never get hurt. But you’ll miss out on so much of life. If you open your heart, you risk getting hurt, but you will find so much love out there.” He modeled that to me by the way he lived.

I could talk to you about some great teachers I had throughout my school years. They believed in me, encouraged me, pushed me to stretch myself beyond what I thought I could accomplish. I had best friends along the way. I dated some crazy guys and some fun guys and found the perfect guy. I found someone who believes in me no matter what. He trusts me. He gives me hope. He walks beside me and supports me. Sometimes he walks in front of me when my life is dark, showing the way with his love.

Then there’s my relationship with God. That began when I was very young. I must admit that has been as much of a roller-coaster as my entire life has been. It is a comfort knowing He created me with all these emotions because sometimes I’m caught in a whirlwind: happy, sad, angry, lonely, frustrated…on and on. I feel these emotions on the same day or in the same minute upon occasion! He chose me before the world began to be His child and He waited until I chose to let Him into my life. Sometimes I have walked away from Him but He has never walked away from me.

I can choose to focus on all the things I don’t have: lots of money, lots of children, a mansion, a pool, security that my health situation will never change. I can choose to focus on the more important things: my God, my husband, all the people in my life that I care about who care about me. I can look out my window and see the sunrise every morning and the sunset every night. Yes, I can see both of those looking out my windows: my living room in the morning and my kitchen at night. I believe this attitude is more than counting my blessings. I do that occasionally. That is a powerful attitude.

My point, however, is I need to shift my focus. There are times the pain in my heart is so great I feel as if I can’t go on. Or I don’t want to go on, surrounded by all this pain. That is what I am focusing on. Eventually the pain lessens. Sometimes it goes away completely. Other pain seems to stick around, pricking my heart with its thorns unexpectedly. I don’t want to maintain my focus on all the pain in my life anymore. I want to find that balance of accepting there is pain and also there is good. I want to be able to look back at my life and also live in the present, accepting all the good, positive memories, changes, and all the moments that are not painful. I’m looking at life through a kaleidoscope. I will shift my focus by adjusting the ring.

What is your focus?